(Written 17 October 2011. Notes to myself from the trenches. Time to publish.)
Now you're being punished. Now you have to finally be a good man.
What makes a good man:
A married man honors his vows.
A father protects and provides for his children.
But before and after than,
- a good man is strong enough to protect the weak
- a good man develops himself equally for its own sake and also to provide for the people he loves
What are a man's responsibilities to himself alone?
Be honest with yourself. Speak your mind and ask for what you want. Expect what is reasonable. Express opinions and make a difference. If ashamed of something, decide why, and either abandon that behaviour or embrace it.
Be tactfully honest with others. Be the guy everyone can count on for the truth, and from whom it will come gently, even if it's harsh.
Do not remain in a situation that is unhealthy. Determine what needs to be done and see to it, or speak out as to why it's unhealthy and make an exit.
A good man makes mistakes and then admits them. A good man does not hold others' mistakes against them.
- find and attend a 12 step group at least once a month.
- speak to Rev. Kxxxxxn regularly
- journal and write at least every other day
- run, walk, or bike 30 minutes a day
- focus on Nxxxxx and the marriage. Spend some time with her every day. Journal it.
- try to stay positive. HALT when necessary. Do not dwell on the negative, but do not forget it. Laugh every day.
- get more, closer male friends
- share writing with Nancy to better expose the other side
MENTAL: Stay in school. Get good at your job. Read and act and think critically to stay mentally fit.
SPIRITUAL: Find God. Again.
PHYSICAL: Become strong. Use physical development as an outlet to frustration, and as a medium to concentration. Try to get off the hypertension meds.
EMOTIONAL: Solidify. Pay the bills, mind the business. Stay on top of your depression. Then reevaluate.
Because THIS, the guilt, and humility, is only temporary, but these are the only feelings that hard-focus on what is wrong, and what needs to be done.
But I am already a good man. But I am a flawed man. Who isn't flawed? Nobody, but few are flawed in the ways you've become, and these ways hurt those around you. That is unacceptable. But my flaws don't negate the ways in which I've stayed a good man? No, they will be your anchors, and your refuge when necessary. These are the places you will go when in doubt. When in doubt.