The Next Level

I want to be smarter.

I want to be able to not only do basic stock homework problems in multivariable calculus, but visualize the surfaces, the areas and volumes, the vectors and vector fields, and how they interact all at once. I want to understand and retain literature well enough to appreciate and behold the emotional and artistic history it represents. I want to be able to write and speak just the right word for exactly the feeling or thought or action or object I am thinking of. I want to be able to learn about the Mars lander, Curiosity, and truly wonder at its scientific and human potential. I want to be able to read Hugo and Flaubert in French, Chaucer in Middle English, Kafka in German, and ancient texts in Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic. I want to understand brush strokes and color and perspective, and be able to make scenes and memory and thought come to life on canvas. I want to understand writings about the mathematical properties of classical music. I want to rise above the timid and limited and windowed understanding of every bit of knowledge I've ever been exposed to, and knit it all together in new and truly enlightened ways, and see the world the way the Masters view it, from their mountaintop. I want to really experience this world and this universe and this life.

This is what I wish. Were I to one day find my magic goldfish, I would not ask for money, power, property, influence, or lovers. These are all things anyone can have with enough hard work. I wouldn't ask for perfect, eternal health, or super powers, or special abilities. These are things nobody will ever have, and I believe there are good reasons that are placed beyond our comprehension on purpose. No--I would ask for understanding: time for and exposure to those endeavors that make humanity wonderful, the capacity to understand and retain the knowledge, and the mental dexterity to assimilate and apply it to something greater than myself. Were I to be bold on that day, I would also ask for some small measure of creativity, with which I would hope to make the world more livable for those around me. I would want to share this great gift in such a way as to bring hope and health to the diseased and disenfranchised.

Haiku: Talent

Oh, things I could do
(If only you would let me)
To give you pleasure!

55: Brothers

I watched his body fall, and he, helpless, flailed uselessly into the canyon. For the first several meters, his eyes begged mine for a reason, but we both understood why this was happening. I could still smell the burning fat and flesh, feel the deep shame of rejection...

From behind, someone called to me: “Cain?”
* * * * *
FFF-55 Vol. XL. Tell a story in exactly fifty-five words. Go see G-Man.

Love Letter

The love letter fell from her fingers onto an open newspaper. She bent forward in her chair and heaved a deep, broken sob, her entire world shrinking into this one, singular moment. Ink wet with tears, the signature on the letter ran together with the author’s printed name on the newsprint beneath, among the obituaries.
* * * * *
FFF-55 Vol. XXXIX? Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man. Inspired by, and loosely dedicated to, Kevin, whomever he may be. "Now there's no love as true as the love that dies untold." --Robbie Robertson/Rick Danko/The Band, It Makes No Difference. 

Samsung Galaxy Player 5.0 Review (Audiophilia III)

As previously written, I recently bought myself a new media player: the Samsung Galaxy Player 5.0, model YP-G70. Overall, I'm pretty happy with this device. Before buying it, I saw it had hundreds of user ratings above 4.5 out of 5, so I read the 1's and 2's to see what the naysayers were complaining about. Most of those are in regard to a bug that quickly causes the device to either shut down or freak out, which hasn't happened on mine and seems to have been quickly corrected by users after a return and replacement at the retailer.

Here are the things *I* have to complain about:

1. Don't spare the juice! For the life of me I don't know what Samsung believes is a decent amount of battery power. True, I do have my screen timeout set at max (10 minutes), but I want to see what it's doing even if I don't touch anything for a little while. If I played music all day at work or in the car, I'd have almost no battery left. This being my first such device, I will assume this is just a case of me having unreasonable expectations. However, it would be nice if Samsung let me choose to have the screen never time out when the device was being charged.

2. Where are the accessories? I can't really be angry about this: weeks before buying anything, I'd looked for some case, holder, car adaptor, flippy wallet thing, or any version of the dozens of other cool accessories available for the several Samsung phones that are out there, and found next to nothing. I was surprised to see, in the store when I bought the 5.0, a snap on case (made, coincidentally, by a company headquartered almost in my own zip code), but that turned out to be a fluke. Not even this local company makes anything else for the 5.0. The closest we as consumers get is to find a comparably-sized (Samsung) device and see if it'll work. I haven't had the time yet to go on this quest, and I'll be very stingy with my money when it comes time to buy anything. With the exception of grossly overpriced screen protectors, even the aftermarket choices are almost nonexistent, unless I want to pay $20+ for something made overseas that I haven't had a chance to test fit or feel. Seriously, Samsung, at least offer us a wrist strap or something. What I'd really like to see are accessories similar to those for the Galaxy Note smartphone, which is just a tad bigger than the 5.0.

3. Proprietary micro-USB connector. This outright pisses me off. If I'd known about this before I bought the 5.0, it might have been a deal breaker, or at least made me more careful how I handled the cable supplied with the device. While other micro-USB cables fit just fine, they don't do anything--can't charge or transfer data. It's almost like somebody suggested a proprietary connector in a board meeting, but somebody else (correctly) pointed out that stuff like that doesn't fly with consumers, so they all put their heads together and decided to make it look like a common micro-USB connector, but not work like one. Bastards.

4. Home screen won't rotate. This is sort of trivial, but missed details greatly agitate me. Considering the image I found to put at the top of this post, I'm sure this must be a case of me doing something wrong.

Aside from these things, which can all be worked around in one way or another, I've found everything I read about the 5.0 to be true. All in all, I really dig it. I have yet to become very comfortable with the Android OS, so I'm sure there are lots of cool things and probably a few uncool ones, too, yet to discover. The Google Play app market is easy to use and has plenty of (honestly, too many) choices in both free and paid-for apps, not only big products like popular games but tools to do weird, specialized tasks, as well as alternatives to standard apps in case you don't like the looks of what you already get. So long as the quality is (stays) good, and nothing bad happens like [deleted so as not to jynx myself], I look forward to dozens of months of enjoyment with my fancy new music media player. 

Now if I could only beat the AI in the free chess game I downloaded, life would be great.

A Reminder

Just a reminder: I'm not writing this for you or anyone else. It's for me. I know I drone on and on about the most boring things ever. Even when I speak, I can see people's eyes cloud up after about 30 seconds. I know I speak slowly and over-deliberately. I use parenthetical phrases. I interject and interrupt myself. I get lost in subtopics knowing full well my listener has no need of the context but imagining that for some reason they may want it. I back up and correct myself.

I understand how you could get bored listening, or, in this case, reading. Just move along. This blog is my little laboratory  notebook in which I keep track of my thoughts and wonderings. Occasionally I've written a thing or two that others seemed interested in. Twice, I've actually posted something because I'd wished it was out there when I needed some advice. Here is a third instance of that last phenomenon, with a mess of preceding thoughts in two parts. I've taken the liberty to separate out the boring parts from the stuff I mean to actually be helpful.

Also see my original Disclaimer. Have a nice day.

Audiophilia, Part II

My love affair with music has manifested itself materially through the evolution of my media players. As aforementioned, my earliest 'device' was a boombox hanging by wire from the heater vent of my '78 Buick Century. It was awesome not only because it played cassette tapes and the radio, but because I could take it in and out of the car. (I'll be the first to admit my standards were low back then.) Ever since, I've had lots of things that play music that I've been inordinately attached to because I must--must--be able to play certain songs at certain moments, or be ready to listen to this artist or that album whenever a particular mood strikes.

As far as real music players go, I've owned three so far:

1. Motorola m500 
This little thing thrilled me. It was compact, cute, and tough. It was easy to use and smart: this MP3 player was probably the very first reason I ever had to appreciate USB, and at the time 5 megabytes was more than enough to hold every ripped, downloaded, and generated song/sound file I had. I used it for more than two years, even well after all my friends started buying iPods for large multiples of what I paid. I mourned its loss when it finally quit like a tired mule, and I'll always consider it one of the best purchases I've ever made.

2. Zune 8, (Microsoft, third generation)
After the demise of my m500, I was at a loss. I had no desire to buy an iPod, mostly because I had no desire to let iTunes hijack my computer or my music collection. Plus, what I was seeing is that my friends who bought the cool new iPods were mostly being abandoned by Apple as the cooler, newer iPods were released. I didn't want in on that, so I turned to my next best untrusted option: The Evil Empire, Microsoft.

I know I should have considered alternatives, but I was a bit taken with the sleek look of the Zune, and considering my budget, I knew I couldn't afford to make a bad choice for a good reason. Everything about the Zune was sexy. After I finally spent months saving like a teenager, I bought one: red--sexy, I told you!

It took me a couple weeks to get the hang of. It was nowhere near as easy as the m500, and I bought it at the height of the DRM movement, so not only did it not like the only two songs I'd ever bought online, it questioned my authority to load and play songs I'd ripped years ago from CDs I'd owned even longer. It also wanted me to become part of some social network I'd eventually have to pay for monthly access to. The final straws were that it wouldn't let me use part of its 8MB capacity for mass storage and the proprietary software it wanted to use to transfer music files.

Frankly, it pissed me off, but by this time I'd spent my money and was going to make the best of it. After all, rated strictly as a music player, it worked well, and the sexiness of it wasn't lost in the menus and the touchpad control. So long as all I had to do was charge it, I didn't have to mess around with the software much, and that was enough. Sadly, very shortly after the warranty ended, the screen backlight went out. I could still use it if I held it directly in bright sunlight, but really that was it. My already bruised sense of value purchased was shot to hell.

2.5 Cell Phones

Storing and playing music on basic cell phones is easy and... basic. The only one of these worth mentioning is the LG Cosmos Touch. Though marketed to teens, it's a cool little phone and was ideal for use both as a phone and (basic) music player. But I lost it, and had to go back to my Env3, which doesn't even have a standard-sized headphone jack. Boo.

3. Galaxy Player 5.0 (Samsung YP-G70)
This is my most recent acquisition and my real cherry-popping entry into the world of digital devices. In the years since I bought my old m500, the Western world has exploded with Android and iPhone, 3G/4G networks, and data packages that amount to the payments I'll end up making on my teenage son's braces. The term "MP3 player" has almost become obsolete, and considering everything current media players can do, it's absurd to refer to modern, even low-end, devices with the term.

I decided I needed a new music player months before I actually put down the payola. When I started the shopping process, I looked online of course, and got in my head that I could spend a third what I'd paid for previous devices and get more than twice the music player. When I actually walked into a store to try and play with the myriad of products available, I got even more confused. But I also fell in love.

First let me say I was shocked at the price range: I went shopping for a simple touch-screen MP3 player, some of which are out there for as little as $30 or $40. I was expecting something not much more complicated than my three year old GPS. Then I learned about touch screens and started messing around with the fancier devices. Considering these things are just smart phones that don't make calls, the higher price makes sense, and considering Android devices are direct competition for iPhones and high-end tablets (which are even beginning to include souped-up e-readers like the Kindle Fire), the drive to maximize functionality also makes sense.

When I started messing around with the Galaxy Players in the store, I was fairly amazed. (I realize that makes me a bona fide tech noob, but after a certain accumulation of ignorance, it becomes quaint, and therefore excusable...or so I tell myself.) So I decided to get one, eventually, not only because I'd gone way too long without being able to carry my music around with me (basic cell phone music playing in the interim notwithstanding), but because it was a perfect excuse to enjoy all the cool stuff my friends were doing with their phones without paying through the nose for data.

To insure myself against another Zune debacle, I didn't use my own money, so it took me a while to get to walking into a store to buy anything. I spent this time reading reviews and going into more stores to touch and play. During this time, I learned the Galaxy Player 4.2 was coming out, and considered it instead, especially given its size. In the end, however, when I had my VISA gift cards in-hand, and spotted a package deal that included a case and charger, I took the shot and made the buy.

A note on the purchase: I had many options when buying. Unlike Apple's devices, Samsung's prices aren't fixed at every store and website. I chose to buy locally rather than online, and I chose to buy from a store that actually put their products out for customers to try out. Some of the players I looked at online were front runners, even more than the Samsung, but there was no way I was paying money for something until I could touch it and mess around with the menus.

Audiophilia, Part I

I am a music lover. I might even qualify as an audiophile if I understood the classical importance of the hardware necessary to optimize sound. It's a fact that I was born between the analog and digital ages, so my appreciation of music is an amalgam of my very early years sitting around while my mom listened to her favorite albums, my own childhood discovery and exploration of music, and the modern explosion of both availability and portability of musical formats.

As a result, I've been experimenting with ways to have my favorite music with me ever since I got my first cassette recorder. Like most folks my age, I made my first mix tapes by holding the recorder near radio speakers, trying to time the beginning and end of the song just right while keeping everything steady enough not to get those brushing sounds in the recording. Later I owned a dual cassette deck and that was a comparative wet dream. My first car was thirteen years older than me when I bought it, and didn't even have an FM receiver (or an eight-track tape player--I missed that era completely), so I rigged a harness for my boombox with a wire hanger and bought lots of D batteries. I was one of the first people I knew to own a cassette adaptor--both the wired kind that plugs into a headphone jack and the wireless kind that broadcasts a tiny FM signal to which you can tune your car radio--and one of the first things I did after buying my current vehicle was research and purchase an auxiliary input cable.

With the invention of digital music, my world became nearly complete. Remarkably, I never got into Napster or other file sharing methods, but I surely was ripping not only my own CDs to my computer, but those from every friend who would let me borrow them. The fact that libraries loan out music and other audio CDs for free is a testament to human kindness. And then of all magical things, my computer would let me create playlists of all those songs and burn them to a new CD. It's the ultimate mix-tape: all the songs, no ambient noise to ruin the song, and no signal degradation due to making copies of copies ad infinitum. (Seriously, if all the young'ns who grew up with this CD-burning mix-tape method knew the arduous steps such a task used to require, it would make all those when-I-was-your-age stories of "going uphill both ways barefoot in the snow" sound like a cakewalk.) I'm still very fond of this practice; I'll honestly never lose my attachment to physical media, regardless of how advanced we get in the digital age. (Plus, even if you could download liner notes, who would? And would the file include the smell of a freshly open jewel case, or the feel of carefully unfolding the paper for the very first time? I think not...)

Because of my constant desire to keep my favorite tunes nearby, I have watched with childish glee as music services such as Pandora and Spotify have become more mainstream and user friendly. I'm still using the free versions of both of these, with almost no desire (or need*) to upgrade to paid versions, and I have yet to try other, less popular (though certainly mainstream) services like iHeartRadio and Grooveshark. What I love about these services is that they are available almost anywhere (especially with Wi-Fi hotspots and smartphone apps) and that the artists get paid when we music consumers use them, which, after all, was the big deal when Lars took down Napster.

(Discussion on how the music-entertainment business treats/pays artists, especially since the explosion of digital distribution, will not ensue here; perhaps another time, since there's surely plenty to shout about.)

Snippet

I remember hearing the song for the first time. I was in the car, as usual, and I felt helpless in my inability to not only stop and savour every note and lyric, but to write the tiny bit of information I'd held in my brain from the DJ's remark before playing the track, knowing I was sure to have forgotten too much for the memory to be useful by the time I had a chance to write anything.

Haiku: Confidence

Confidence is so
Elusive when you always
Fall short of your goals.

Haiku: Postcard

I missed the deadline,
You can fail me for the week.
Nevertheless, here:

1.
Pretty postcards show
What fun things I've been doing
Because you ar'n't here.

2.
The last thing she sent:
A postcard from Hawaii.
Then she disappeared.

3.
"With all of my heart:"
The last words she wrote before
She left forever.

Fishing

My first cast hit the water with a lame plunk, hardly worthy of the effort I’d made. Dad just said, “Try again.” Eventually I caught something tiny, but judging by his excitement it may as well have been a whale.

I still see his smile when I fish now, with or without my own kids.
* * * * *
FFF-55, Vol. XXXVIII? Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man. Dedicated to my dad on what would be his 39th Father's Day. 

Haiku: Freestyle

A trifecta:

1.
Going where I please
Is the finest way to hike.
To hell with the map!

2.
Creativity:
Coloring outside the lines
Lets out the passion.

3.
Freestyling full speed,
Throwing all the rules aside.
Why? DISCOVERY.

Haiku: Drift

Sunlight falls, driving
The sparkling colours from the
Dewey leaves and grass.

Me and my lover
Standing on the dock above
The drifting duckweed.

We hold each other
As the world turns around us
Knowing well our ends.

"Just a chapter,"
I say to her wistful eyes,
"In your life story."

XJ Vision

I hereby propose a new English phrase:

XJ vision (eks-jey vizh-uhn) n. The propensity for owners of Jeep Cherokee (AMC/Chrysler designation "XJ") vehicles to see other Jeep Cherokees at a greater frequency than owners of other vehicle types, especially at great distances, areas of high car density such as parking lots and traffic jams, and while absentmindedly watching cross- or opposing traffic at a red light. Not to be confused with the Jeep wave.

* Other Chrysler Jeep designations (this list is by no means comprehensive and could contain errors):
  ZJ Jeep Grand Cherokee ZJ (93-98) or
  WJ Jeep Grand Cherokee (99+)
  CJ Wrangler
  KJ Liberty

All in favor say aye.

Haiku: Fire

Seeming sanity
Fools my peers, but floats above
A bed of embers.

Those deep-seated thoughts
That drive my burning fury
are purifying.

"Can't do it again,"
She said as she struck the match
And set me aflame.

Encounter

I was late, as usual. I wasn’t paying attention as I pulled into the lot and nearly hit a woman, clearly just as late and stressed as me. However agitated she was, I only made it worse, and she sure let me have it.

That was eighteen years ago. She’s still gorgeous when she’s angry.

* * * * *

FFF-55 Vol. [XXXVII?]. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. G-Man is still recovering; let's all wish him well.

Haiku: Landscape

Red and yellow leaves
Signal a return to school:
Landscape of children.

Snow falls and covers
Everything. Landscape of white,
Perfect for snowmen.

New buds break open
To decorate the landscape.
Spring awakens us.

Wind sweeps through treetops
And brings a pleasant green warmth
Across the landscape.

I ♥ Firefly

Links to full episodes on YouTube. No telling how long these links will last (as you'll see, one has already been taken down).
*Disclaimer: Do not watch these (or listen to them while working, like I do) until you own a legitimage bought-and-paid-for DVD box set. Make sure Fox knows we still love this series by supporting it with your dollar bills (or pounds, yen, rupees, euros, et cetera)!

Episode 1: Pilot
Episode 2: The Train Job
Episode 3: Bushwhacked
Episode 4: Shindig
Episode 5: Safe
Episode 6: Our Mrs. Reynolds
Episode 7: Jaynestown
Episode 8: Out of Gas
Episode 9: Ariel
Episode 10: War Stories
Episode 11: Trash
Episode 12: The Message (in three parts)
Episode 13: Heart of Gold
Episode 14: Objects in Space

Ode to G-Man

When I finally got around to it again, I was so proud of myself. But when I went to post my work, I realized I’d missed a whole lot of important news. Apparently, the G-Man is out for repairs!

Get well soon, Galen. We miss you! Here’s to hoping for many more kick ass weekends!

* * * * *

FFF-55 Vol. [omg who cares]. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man.

The last couple weeks, Galen (AKA G-Man), the host of the weekly Friday Flash Fiction 55 blogapalooza, fell ill and has been hospitalized. I don't know this man, but I know his mind, his face, his sense of humor, his passions--I've all but shaken his hand through his writing, and I'm glad of it. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way--dozens of others participate far more often than I do in the weekly fictionfest. I'm sending a little extra good feeling up toward the middle knuckle area of my left handed map.

Haiku: Spring

Orion slips down,

Now below the horizon,

While Leo rises.

Trees stretch t'ward sunlight.

Branches sprout bud and flower,

Shed their winter grey.

The softening wind

Reassures our numbed senses

That winter is over.

* * * * *

Haiku: Conversation

Our eyes meet. Silent

Words pass between us. We need

No conversation.
* * * * *

2000 Jeep XJ Power Window Fix

Boredom warning! This post has nothing to do with my usual topics of choice. Unless you came to this page by some internet search for "Cherokee power windows don't work" or "Jeep XJ driver door module" or something similar, time to hit that 'Next Blog' button up there at the top of your browser. What's that you say? Yep, no prob... see ya.

Still here? Okay.

I recently worked on my 2000 Jeep Cherokee XJ to correct an issue that intermittently prevented the passenger power window controls from working. I had such a hard time finding any useful information on this issue (except that lots of people have it), I decided to share my solution for others who might have the same problem.

Disclaimer: I'm not an engineer of the mechanical or electrical nature. I'm not necessarily handy with electronics, and I'm ignorant of most of the proper terms and meanings of things like "wire harness." My greatest strength is that I'm resourceful, detail oriented, and (sometimes) patient. If you follow my advice and your car catches fire, starts jolting you when you touch metal parts, or spontaneously becomes a beacon for extraterrestrials, it's not my fault.

The problem:
The passenger power window switches wouldn't work most of the time. Sometimes they would, but I could never figure out what made the difference.

The actual problem is a fault in the lockout button that keeps it in 'lock out' mode and cuts power to the passenger controls.


Here's one solution from YouTube's mrkvickasteve, the same guy who helped me save >$400 on my ignition lock cylinder. I was very near to trying his method until I thought to look through the service manual I downloaded somewhere (can't remember where). I created a .zip file of the PDFs and uploaded it to my Google Docs. The link is here: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BzTEn4Ef4A2BZE1jX3ZQd09uRkk. It doesn't have everything (part numbers are of notable absence), but it's an excellent place to start with any problem.

The solution:
Group 8S of the service manual covers power window systems. It shows the wire connectors that attach to the Driver Door Module (DMM). Here's the one-glance answer:

When the lockout is off (meaning the passenger controls should work), power flows from pin 8 in connector 1 to pin 9 in connector   2.

To bypass the lockout button, you have to keep the power flowing. I used a length of 16-gauge wire about 7 inches long taken from an old lamp power cord.

Keep in mind this image corresponds to the back of the DMM (part number 56004994AC--or 56009461AC, which I was told was a "production part number"), not the positions on the back of the plugs, where the wires come together, which is where I made my connections.

To bridge these connections, you'll need to know the wire colors:
C1 pin 8: biggest yellow wire
C1 pin 9: big tan wire.

The wiring on the plugs is held tight by light blue clips which can be removed by prying up three sides. I stripped about 3/8" from both ends of my wire, twisted the copper, and twisted it into the square receptaple alongside the yellow and tan wire connectors. You may have more skills and better tools than me, so by all means get as creative as you need to. Putting the light blue clips back on was an exercise in patience, especially if you're working in failing daylight like I was.

Should you be having any other issues with the power windows, the rest of the wire colors can be found in the service manual in Group 8W-60.

So here are the steps:
1. Remove the driver door panel: first pop off the plastic trim surrounding the lock/door handle (do not remove that screw!), then remove three large screws in the armrest and one small screw at the top right. Pry up the bottom left corner of the panel with a wide, flat tool and pull gently to release all the retainer clips. It may take some coaxing around the door handle. Once the whole panel will swing along the top edge, gently lift it straight up and off.

2. Disconnect the wire connectors from C1 and C2 at the back of the DMM. You need not remove the DMM. If you know what you're doing, maybe you can do something similar to what Mudderoy did to make your repair. The service manual tells you to disconnect the negative battery terminal first. I didn't.

3. Remove the light blue clips from the wire connectors.

4. Connect C1 pin 8 (large yellow wire) and C2 pin 9 (large tan wire) with your wire. Ideally, you would remove each wire from the connector, somehow join your new wire to the contact end, and reinsert it into the connector. I had not the skill, tool, nor time to do it that way.

5. Reassemble. Replace light blue clips, reinstall wire connectors, and put the door panel back on. I haven't been able to get the door handle trim back on completely yet; if you have tips, please share!

6. Test it. I haven't done this part yet, but it involves volunteering to drive when I go out to lunch with my work buddies and waiting for them to complain about their windows.

7. If all else fails, either (a) spend the $174 on a new dealer OEM part, (b) risk a cheaper aftermarket or second-hand OEM part, or (c) keep putting up with complaints from your work buddies and family.

Good luck!

Haiku: Annoyance

Lying in the grass
Gazing up at starlight. Then--
Oh no, mosquitos!
* * * * *
You know, that blog?

Haiku: Happiness

Sunlight, morning dew,
Warbler sings the day's first song,
Spring flowers break ground.
* * * * *
(Late addition:)

Eudomonia:
Aristotelianist
word for HAPPINESS.

A new venture for me: Sensational Haiku Wednesdays!

Peer Pressure

“Life’s a bitch,” he told me as he lit up, “then you die.” He took a drag and I looked at him through the smoke. He was my hero: older, cooler, confident. He offered me the cigarette. “You try.”

I inhaled and almost lost my lunch. He laughed. “You’re thirteen now,” he said, “man up.”
* * * * *
FFF-55 Vol. XXXIII. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man.

Awkward

Velma: first nerd girl of my generation

She stood out because she was so plain. Every day I’d passed her in the math hall and we’d exchange a friendly nod or look, but never words. Neither of us would have known what to say anyway. Then I saw her on the lawn at Pine Knob wearing cutoffs and a tank top. Wow.

* * * * *

FFF-55 Vol. XXXII. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man.

My tribute to nerd girls, for which we nerd boys will forever be grateful, and a nod to one of my fav's, HNG. Also a good excuse to share one of my recent guilty pleasures (explicit).

Truck Love

My wife introduced us in ‘07. She was tough and sexy, with a classic body. I had to have her.

We've been through a lot since, not all of it pleasant. But I'm still in love, and I’m gonna show it. It won’t take much to find passion again. I think we both deserve it.
* * * * *
FFF-55 Vol. XXXI. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man.

Reconciliation

Well, so now it seems I'm the only one who hasn't had my say.

It's not because I haven't been paying attention. When all this (recent) business started, I delayed reaction, and asked others to delay reaction, because I wasn't sure what the right course of action was, or if any action was necessary at all. I was temporarily content to maintain my silence.

In the meantime, I was (justly) accused of not speaking up for the greater good, not making a strong position well known. This wasn't really surprising to me. Don't think I didn't feel a little wimpy because of my inaction. However, I know myself, and I know that when I respond immediately to a tender situation, especially in writing, I usually get myself in trouble because I haven't allowed myself to absorb all the facts and emotions, and my response is usually misunderstood because I couldn't grasp the context enough to present it well to my audience(s). This situation was certainly no exception, and so rather than risk being taken out of context, and thereby accused of something much more egregious than not speaking up, I chose instead to endure the accusation. The actions of others that followed were not entirely unexpected.

One problem here is that I am not understood well enough to be trusted to do what's right. You see, it isn't that my intentions aren't good, or that my priorities aren't in order. I do know what's right, and for the first time since this all began, I finally understand why. There's a reason I'm here; there are important things for me to do. It's no surprise to anyone that I'm ill-equipped for these roles, but what might be is that I desire more than anything to fulfill them well. I've been called to do something important, and even though I've proven over and over that I'm incapable of it, that job is still in my lap. I'm still expected to do it, and if the one I'll answer to when I ultimately succeed or fail can have this much patience with me, maybe I can find it in myself to become capable after all. I deserve another shot at it, and even if I've squandered the patience and trust of those around me, I am going to take that shot. To put a humorous spin on it all, Steve Martin put it best in "The Jerk" when he said "I have a special purpose!" Well hey folks, so do I.

To be fair to my doubters, this isn't the first time I've tried to change. It's true that much of what I've said has been said before. To be fair to myself, it is the first time I've tried changing my approach to change, if that makes any sense. My entire adult life, I've made some very bad decisions, and I have 20+ years of legitimate reasons why, but none of them qualify as excuses any more. Changing how I operate hasn't been easy, and it hasn't taken hold because I've been doing it for the wrong reasons. Now I think I have the key. This doesn't mean I won't have trouble, and it doesn't mean I don't foresee problems in fulfilling this purpose, and it sure doesn't mean I won't occasionally fail. I have a lot of details to work out, and I'm going to need a lot of help, but for once I think I've found the team that will pull me through.

So listen here. I am paying attention. I want my position to be known. It just seems I needed more time to speak it than others. Let me state it now then, for the record: Any and all who wish me well, if they are to support my success, should honor their place as has been agreed and forewritten. They should respect the sanctity of my heart, my home, and my family. We all have some role to play in this and I, for one, am ready to move on and start figuring out how to play mine. Finally, regardless of how others may feel, I will not speak or write words intended to harm or hurt anyone. There have been more than enough of both from all sides and it's time for something greater than a tenuous ceasefire. We need to learn to coexist peacefully, even if we intend to steer clear of each other, before any of us can begin to heal, let alone prosper. I will pray for this outcome, and I invite you all to do the same.

SCWA

Job Opening

Mother Nature wishes to fill a position recently vacated in the Department of Seasonal Services, Winter Office, for the southeast Michigan region. Job duties include facilitating snowfall, maintaining sledding conditions, and ensuring ice thickness suitable for fishing between the months of November and February. Ideal candidate will be proficient with precipitation and judicious with extremes.
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FFF-55 Vol. XXX. Tell a story in exactly 55 words. Go see G-Man.